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You might as well have drunk texted me. Your random messages are as unclear to me as those times you texted me after a night down the shore with the guys and far too many beers. The string of messages just sat on my screen waiting for a reply. One I'm sure you were expecting right away. For me to say something sweet and welcome you back with open arms. I'm pretty positive that your loneliness warranted those messages. No one there other than your phone and the knowledge that every time you've felt this way, I've reacted in the exact way you wanted. I'm sure you're expecting now. 

This time they'll be no reply. You'll get nothing in return. See after so many times I learned how this goes. You get lonely, I get a text or a few, I reply, we talk, you admit you care, and the feelings have never changed, I fall for it, you continue to say the right things, then you begin to pull away, I notice and ignore it, till eventually you stop replying. See it's a cycle that I can no longer take. 

So the I miss you's and I love you's they're going to waste. I don't buy them. You say we're meant to be and all I wish right now is that you'd let me be. If this is what meant to be mean is I want no part of it. If a love like this is what was in store for me I would give up. 

But I know the truth. I know I don't deserve your lonely wanting. I know your sober messages mean just as much crap as your drunk ones. A love that is meant to be won't come from loneliness or from the effect of an empty bottle. It won't be because everyone else has someone. I now know theres more in store for me. 


And that more, has never included you.

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