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Times where I've felt most alone haven't been time where I've actually be alone. It's been in those moments that I've been completely surrounded by people. And I mean people everywhere. 


When it's just me, alone with no one but myself I've never experienced feeling lonely or alone. It's in those moments of complete solitude that I've felt the most relaxed. I've found the most happiness within myself which sounds a little crazy and self centered to say but it's true. In those times it's where I've felt the most myself. 

In times where I find myself physically alone, with no one around it's like fresh air for me. For me it's like that smell outside when you know spring and summer are coming. It's a smell I don't know how to describe but it's a smell I know other people have smelled too. 

I'm a city girl. I was born and raised in New York City. But I've never felt like a true city girl. Within the past few years I've learned that I don't feel like a city girl because I'm not one. That alone is a post for another day because this one is about loneliness and being alone. My point about being from the city is that is that in a place where there are millions of people I've found it so easy to feel alone. 

Walking down the city streets by myself is where I've noticed it the most. I can be on a packed train cart on the way home and there'd be people everywhere. A person next to me, a few in front of me and some behind me. There'd be 4 other people holding on to the same pole as me yet you feel sort of alone. I've often wondered how many other people feel the same way. 

I can at a party or with a group of friends and still feel that way. I always have though. Back when I was little and in school I would wonder why I felt so alone being with all the other kids. It wasn't till about middle school where I just figured that I felt alone when around everyone but not some much by myself. That's when I learned to enjoy my time alone and appreciate it. 

It's hard to explain but it's when I'm surrounded by people that I feel the most alone. It's such a weird feeling to express and I don't think I'm doing such a good job putting it into words. It was just something that was on my mind. Hopefully someone understand what I'm talking about. And I'm not completely crazy, but if I am then so be it. 


Picture via (My Mom) 

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