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My post on Wednesday I touched on me being from New York City. How I am a born and raised "city girl" but never actually felt like one. I can't say never but in the past few years I've noticed it. 

I can't even begin to think about the place I'm meant to be because I don't know where that place is. All I know is that I use to think it was New York and now I know it's not. I would never have imagined wanting to be anywhere but New York but that's what it's become. I want a life that doesn't go with the New York way of life. I feel relieved now that I know that. 

It's exciting to me to know that there is somewhere in this world that I am meant to be. It's even more exciting to me that I haven't discovered that place yet. It means there is a journey that I will go through to lead me there. Every decision I make is taking me a step closer or maybe it's taking me further away and I will have to find my way back. Either way it's a journey I am so excited to be taking. 

I did middle and high school in Florida and I couldn't wait to graduate so I can come back to New York for college. I thought New York was home. Which I can't deny because New York will always be some form of home in my life. It's where I'm from. Since moving back for college 4 years ago I've come to learn more about the place I'm from. Things that as a kid I would of never gotten. New York will always be where I'm from. But I don't feel like it's where I'm meant to be. 

From the moment my parents moved us to Florida when I was 11 I knew I would always come back home. To New York. 5 years went by and the urge and need to come back to NY was stronger than ever. I needed out of there and of course where else but home right?

I've comes to realize that whether or not I came back to NY after high school or years later I would of always have come back just cause I needed to know. I was so convinced that New York was home and I think I would of always thought that. I needed to come back just so I would know. 

Since being back I've learned that I don't love the city as much as I thought I did. Actually I learned the complete opposite. I learned that the city is the last place I want to be. What made New York special is no longer here. I couldn't even tell you why I feel that way or what's missing but whatever it was before is now gone. Yes New York is 'home'. It's my birth place. It will forever hold a piece of my heart. But now I know that it's not the place I was meant to be. 

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