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Your slowly losing your shit and that's okay. It's not okay in the sense that it's great and it's what should be happening. But okay in the sense that since it is happening embrace it. Let it run its course. You've been through some pretty crappy shit. It was one thing after another. And for a person who needs to be alone in order to process things well you haven't had any of that. Literally none of it. 

I have to say you've put on a brave face and held it together for a long ass time. You should be beyond proud of yourself. Your situation isn't ideal but you've handled it like a champ. One day it will all pay off. One day all this will seem like the moment that changed things. It will be the moment you look back on and say damn look what I made of that. 

It's okay if you roll your eyes at me right now. I bet you feel like I'm talking a lot of crap right about now. Things don't seem like it now but I promise this time in your life is that moment that changed everything. You've begun to feel it. I know you have. Even if you doubted it, you have. Your pretty down on your luck right now so I'll go easy on you. You have every right to feel the way you do now. All those feelings inside your having are justified. 

I get it. I get it all. You want to scream but you can't. You want to hide, but there is no where to go. You want to flip everyone off and tell them to screw themselves but for everyone's sanity around you, well you can't. Frustrating. I know. I wish I can tell you when you'll be able to do those things but I honestly just don't know. I want to say soon but you'll probably tell me where to shove that so instead I'll give you a few tidbits of advice. 

Ready? Okay. Start off by always having a pair of headphones in your pocket. When your feel your chest tighten and your heart beating faster then it should pull them out, plug them into your phone and go to Spotify. It will help I promise. Another thing is make sure you keep downloading books to read. Never let yourself run on empty when it comes to the books in your iBooks. I know this one is hard for you but breath and keep my head high.

I'm not too worried about you. I worry alittle cause well your me. But that's about it. Knowing you helps. I know that no matter how hard it gets you swallow it. You keep pushing. And I get it's not always for your sake but for the ones that matter to you but it helps. You push even when you don't want to. Like I said your a champ. Always the trooper. Just believe me when I say it pays off. All of this isn't for nothing. 

Love me!     


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