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I've done the laying in bed all night waiting for sleep to finally come. The silence is scary when your the only one up in a house full of people. Every little sound is amplified and your imagination is allowed to run rapid because at 3 am what else would it do. Images and scenarios that play out in your head are what make you curl up tighter, while clutching your blanket as if a life saver. 

No matter how much you tell yourself that none of those things will ever happen, there's still that voice that whispers "How do you know?" Its creepy and unrealistic as hell but you still believe it. There's nothing like laying in bed with your heart in your throat. Your stomach queasy. All because of some irrational fears that stems from late night thoughts. It's more like paranoia then thoughts. 

Thoughts are easy to shoo away. You don't want to think about it so you can make it disappear, almost like a moment of lapse judgement. When it comes to paranoia it's something you can't shake. It's there clinging to your skin like the smell of coffee in my hair after working a 7 hour shift at Starbucks. It's that hurtful comment that boy made when you wouldn't give him what he wanted. It's that one name that stuck with you after you left elementary school and all the bullying had stopped. No matter what you do. No matter how much time has passed. It's still there. 

It doesn't evaporate like nail polish remover when you leave the top off. It's stays and lingers way past visitation hours. All while your left laying there trying to dig your hole so you can hide. It leaves you clutching on to the blanket so tight your finger start to hurt, but you don't even care. You rather feel this pain, then the one your afraid is waiting for you.

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